I keep a “Not Used” file where I put writing that I’m going to radically change or cut. This is what I had before I created a section from Rebecca’s point of view:
I reached over and gave Caitlin’s hand a squeeze.
“And I’m glad you were here when she came back. I probably would have taken her back if you weren’t here, but I don’t think I would have ever trusted her again. I’m glad you really pressed her. I’m too much a softie to have done that. When I saw you press her and Rebecca never wavered in that she loved me and would do anything for me to take her back, it convinced me that she loved me.”
“I do love you,” said Rebecca as she gave me another kiss.
“Oh, and we got out some problems in our relationship that we needed to resolve.”
“I’m going to try my best”, said Rebecca, “but I can’t change overnight.”
Rebecca shifted on me so she could look at Caitlin better.
“Caitlin, I’m glad you were here too. You made me face somethings I should have faced a while ago. And I really appreciated the sex tips. This was a really fun love-making session.”
“If there is one thing I know a lot about, it’s sex,” said Caitlin. “I lost my virginity in seventh grade and fucked my way through junior high, high school and most of college. It’s given me a lot of happy memories, but it hasn’t gotten me close to finding the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
“And I have,” said Rebecca as she squeezed me.
“Call me any time for more sex tips. I’ll be glad to help out.” Caitlin paused, then asked, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what happened between you and Jacob? The last we saw you two, you were deliriously happy.”
“Jacob. Well, let me back up a bit. We were both virgins when we started dating and giving him my virginity was a really big deal for me. It was something I wrestled with for months before doing it. I had been told by everyone for as long as I could remember that sex before marriage was wrong. I already told you that we didn’t really break up and instead said if our relationship was meant to be, then God would bring us back together. When I got to Boston, it was the first time I wasn’t with people I had grown up with. I had gone to OU with two long-time friends. Boston was completely different than Texas and Oklahoma. I was terribly homesick. I kept dreaming about Jacob showing up, sweeping me off my feet and carrying me off to marry him. He was my first and true love.”
“Then I met Thomas. As he wasn’t a devout Christian, I didn’t want to date him and he accepted that. He was fine with being friends. We did stuff as friends and had a great time together. Eventually, I found myself falling for him. I told myself that was wrong and I held on to the dream of reuniting with Jacob even tighter in order to keep my feelings for Thomas at bay.”
“I got here and there was Jacob. God had brought us back together. He was just as handsome and wonderful as I remembered him. He swept me off my feet. Sunday night, he wanted to tell you two that he and I were going to resume our romance.”
“The little weasel,” I heard Caitlin mutter.
“I told him that I wanted to think more about it. What I wanted was for the four of us to be friends on the cruise and have a good time together, then formally break up with Thomas at the end of the cruise. On the excursion Monday I could tell that Thomas had figured out that I had chosen Jacob over him and I didn’t see any point in faking that I wanted to be with Thomas.”
Rebecca gave me a hug. “I’m sorry, Thomas. I know I hurt you then…”
“We’ve been over that,” Caitlin interrupted. “Tell us your story. I want to hear it then go to sleep.”
“Okay,” Rebecca continued. “Being with Jacob at first was a dream come true. Monday was great. Tuesday was great. Wednesday was great right up until bedtime. I didn’t want to have sex and Jacob got upset about that. By Thursday, the euphoria was wearing off.” Rebecca shifted to look up at me. “I started thinking about you Thomas all the time, wondering how you were doing.” She shifted back to look at Caitlin. “That night when Jacob and I had sex that night, it wasn’t very good for either of us.”
Rebecca choked up at this point. “He told me how sex with you Caitlin was so much better than sex with me.”
“Wow,” Caitlin said.
“He wasn’t trying to be mean. He was giving me some feedback on how to improve our relationship.”
“But it hurt like hell?” asked Caitlin.
“It hurt like hell. The next day, he told me that I should take sex lessons from you. He acted like it was a joke, but I could tell he was half serious.”
“What an asshole!” said Caitlin. She reached over and gave Rebecca’s hand a quick squeeze. “The jokes on him – you had a sex lesson from me and I thought you were a great student.”
“Thanks. Friday, I thought a lot about sex. I was trying to think how to improve sex with Jacob. Sex with Thomas had been better than the sex I had with Jacob in college. I didn’t think much about that at the time because I felt guilty for the immoral pleasure of it. Now that I was having sex with Jacob again, it wasn’t as good as the sex with Thomas. I realized that in bed, it was obvious that Jacob was self-centered and impatient. He was that way all the time, but it was more obvious in bed. I didn’t marry him after college because he didn’t make me feel special enough. In bed, it was obvious that Thomas was caring, kind and affectionate. He was that way all the time. And that was why I couldn’t love Jacob though I badly wanted to and that was why I loved Thomas.”
“If being caring, kind and affectionate are important to you, then you need to do whatever it takes to keep Thomas happy. You aren’t going to find a more caring, kind and affectionate guy.”
“That’s why I wanted to come back to Thomas. But what could I do? I couldn’t say ‘Hey, let’s switch back’. My plan was to cool things down with Jacob and not have sex with him anymore, then tell him at the end of the cruise that I didn’t think it would work. On the flight home, I would start to repair the damage I had done to my relationship with Thomas.”
“But you’re here now,” said Caitlin.
“Yeah. Let me tell you one more thing and then I tell you why. Last night when I was in bed with Jacob, I had a panic attack. What if Thomas had found a new woman on the cruise? If he had started a new relationship, I wouldn’t have a chance to restart ours. This morning, I told Jacob that I wanted to take a long walk around the deck by myself. What I did instead was search for Thomas. I found him playing mini-golf with you. I watched you two for a long while.”
“Did we look like lovers?” asked Caitlin.
“I didn’t think about that. But you were clearly having a great time together. I wished it was me that Thomas was laughing with.”
“What do you think of Thomas and I being lovers?”
“I don’t know. A week ago, I would have found it disgusting. But it’s not like Jacob and I have been just holding hands this week. I forced you two together. What are your plans once the cruise is over?”
“We had talked a just little while ago,” said Caitlin “and we agreed that we would make love one more time tomorrow and then we would go back to being a normal brother and sister.”
“If Thomas had been in bed with any other woman tonight,” said Rebecca, “then he wouldn’t have let me in. I think it all worked out for the best.”
“Tonight, I feel like I saw your true colors, Caitlin,” Rebecca continued. “I liked what I saw. You’re tough but not mean. You love Thomas and want what’s best for him. You’re generous and caring. I feel like if I asked you for help, you would gladly do anything as long as it didn’t hurt Thomas.”
“Let me finish,” said Rebecca, “so we can all go to sleep. We went to the show tonight and then Jacob wanted to go gambling. I was fine with that as I didn’t feel like dancing with him. Gambling had been fun and exciting the first two nights when Jacob had won. He was so happy and joyous when he was winning.”
“But you don’t always win,” I said.
“You’re right. Jacob was a grumpy loser and it wasn’t fun watching him lose. In fact, it was painful. Jacob told me that he had been praying all day and he felt God was going to giving him success tonight, that he was going to be win back all the money had lost on the cruise. He had lost quite a bit. I told him prayer doesn’t work that way and he got quite angry. We went to the casino and he played Blackjack. Right away, he lost and lost. He wasn’t just grumpy then – he was abusive. He blamed me for his bad luck. I didn’t have enough faith in him. If I just believed in him he told me, then God would reward our faith. It was too painful to watch him keep losing. I told him to stop gambling and let’s go back to the cabin. He cursed me out. I told him we were through and fled the casino. I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t want to see Jacob again. I didn’t want to be in the cabin when he came back. I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I walked around for a long time then I came here. If Thomas hadn’t let me in, I was going to spend the night wandering the ship.”
“I’m glad that I let you in,” I said. “I’m glad you’re back. Now, let’s go to sleep.”
Rebecca snuggled into her usual spot on my chest. With my right hand, I cupped her ass like I always did when she slept on me. With my left hand, I held Caitlin’s hand. She went to sleep on her side, facing us.
I was glad Rebecca was back. I had never gotten over her and I loved her. I was glad that she had accepted that she loved me. At the same time, I loved Caitlin and I didn’t want to let her go.
I drifted off to sleep.