My editor has edited the first part of the story. I asked him to guess what will happen next. His comments:
OK, I’m done. That was so freakin’ hot! I can’t wait for the rest.
I guess Caitlin will recreate his sexual relationship with Rebecca but will spice it up considerably. Another encounter with Rebecca and Jacob is inevitable, though its difficult to guess how that will go. Perhaps Rebecca will sense how happy Thomas is without her and will try to steal him back again? She may come to realize that Jacob is an uncaring asshole, especially once they start fucking, and that she’ll have to move to Kansas to be with him. I’m sure Caitlin will be more than happy to move to Boston and better opportunities.
I sent him a rough version of the second part. He replied:
I read your blog today. I really liked the deleted scene of the strip tease. As I said, my take on Rebecca is that she’s little more than a frigid bitch. At the beginning she seems wonderful, but as soon as they get to their cabin she starts treating Thomas like shit and never lets up. They have absolutely no chemistry. The strip tease scene shows a lighter side to her and their relationship and introduces her as a girl worthy of a lead role in a porn story. Without it, she’s just a frigid bitch and you can’t really understand why Thomas is mooning over her. And you certainly can’t understand why he would ever, ever consider stopping fucking Caitlin to get back together with her.
The reason I’m going on about this is I did an alternative edit where I reintroduced that deleted scene. I have it both ways, so you can choose which way you want it, but I vote enthusiastically for the strip tease over the ugliness of avoiding discussing her sex life with Jacob.
Maybe I’ll change my mind after I finish part 2, but I’ll send what I have so far for your consideration.
Then later, I got the following comment from him:
I’m almost finished part 2. Of course, the ‘head hopping’ to Rebecca’s POV – her mea culpa – explains everything very well. Understanding her internal struggle, especially how tenuous God’ little miracle is, gives the reader a complete and sympathetic view of her. That is, as opposed to the harsh view of her going into it.
It’s a fantastic story, one of those ‘OMG this is the best story I’ve read on this site please keep writing how about a part 2 where Catlin (sic) turns up pregnant” stories. I still think leaving the reader thinking ill of Rebecca until halfway through a long story isn’t as good as making them hope they’ll see her again.
Again, I love love love this story. I’m really glad you let me be part of it, and I truly hope I’m more helpful to you than just picking out typos and inserting commas.
I replied back:
I was thinking last night that it would be easy to create a more sympathetic portrait of Rebecca – put back the strip tease scene and change the pool scene to put her in a better light. After that, it’s more that Jacob keeps cutting Thomas out than Rebecca fights with Thomas. Also, I was thinking of adding a paragraph where Thomas thinks about going back to the casino to suggest doing something else after he loses the $20, then decides what he really wants is for Rebecca to come to the cabin.
My main concern in the first part was to make the break up realistic. They go from being a happy couple to splitting in a very short time. Sounds like I went overboard on that part. Did the drifting apart and breaking up seem realistic?
I appreciate the advice and the cheering me on. It’s so hard to know how good a story is and what people like/dislike about it. It’s great having a fresh set of eyes look at it and tell me what I need to strengthen. I spent a lot of time on this story and I want it to be the very best it can be.
When you finish the second part, it will be obvious what people will want as a Chapter 2.