Extended Author Note’s for “My Cookie-Baking Sister”

I created a thread for the extended author’s notes in the Story Feedback forum on LitE like I always did. An admin moved it to the Editor’s Forum. I sent a message to the site owner asking her to move it back. Instead, she moved the thread to limboland where no one can read it and hasn’t communicated with me. She’s very friendly and helpful except when she isn’t.

Note: These are extended Author’s Notes for a story that hasn’t been posted yet. I’ll provide a link to the story once it is posted. Until then, I suggest you don’t read this as it contains lots of spoilers.

The story behind the story
My beta-reader TM sent me a story idea:

Quote:
Disneyland/Disneyworld vacation. Brother & Sister are raised by a single mother who works long hours as a corporate lawyer. She plans a week long family trip to Disneyland/Disneyworld, but due to last-minute commitments from the job has to delay her participation by a couple of days and sends the brother & sister ahead, where they have a Disney theme hotel room all to themselves and full run of the park(s) during the day. The mom feels guilty and consequently lets them put whatever they want on her credit card, and calls them every night to say that she won’t be able to make it the next day, but will hopefully arrive the day after–but ends up missing the entire week. The sister gets a makeover as her favorite Disney princess (Cinderella? Jasmine? Belle? Sleeping Beauty?) at the Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo shop. The cast members treat them like boyfriend and girlfriend, and over the course of the week they fall farther and farther in love. They make out on all the dark rides (Pirates of the Caribbean, Haunted Mansion, Peter Pan), the sister flashes the brother on the final drop for Splash Mountain (“Flash Mountain”), and they enjoy a major kiss together during the fireworks on Saturday night. They watch movies from their childhood at night in the room and talk about which prince and princess they want to be.

I wrote back:

Quote:
The challenge is to come up with why a brother and sister decide to get together. In all my stories, the brother and sister are isolated in some way. In my latest, it’s because they are both working long hours and they are living together. But there has to be something that attracts them to each other, something that gets them to thinking about crossing the line. Why do the brother and sister at Disneyworld start acting like a couple? What gets the ball rolling? What prompts them to take the next step and the next step?
:
An idea I had this morning that I’m still playing with:
* Sister = Alice, Brother = Bill, Guy sharing apartment with Bill at college = Chuck, Alice’s best friend = Debbie
* It’s April of Alice’s senior year of high school. She’s been flirting with Chuck. She shows up at the apartment one night with a batch of home-made cookies for Chuck, but Chuck is out on a date. Bill tells Alice that his been stringing her along while pursing other girls more seriously. Alice is crushed. Bill has been trying to subtly warn her and he’s sorry that she’s hurt. Alice gives Bill the cookies, tells him he’s to not give any to Chuck and to eat them in front of him
* Bill calls Alice and tells him he had a lot of fun eating the cookies in front of Chuck. Chuck was really jealous. Bill thought Chuck was a dick for leading her own when he wasn’t that interested and was happy to serve justice on him. Alice loves hearing about how envious Chuck was of Bill eating the cookies
* Alice shows up later with another batch of cookies. She tells Bill to again eat them in front of Chuck. Then she gets embarrassed. Debbie came over unexpectedly while Alice was making the cookies and she asked all about them. Alice told her they were for a guy that Bill knows. Debbie made fun of her for making cookies for some college guy who cares nothing for her. Alice told Debbie that she’d get a kiss out of it. Debbie bet her that she wouldn’t. Would Bill please give her a kiss so she can win the bet? Bill goes to kiss her on the cheek but Alice insists on a kiss on the lips. Bill doesn’t see the harm and gives her oneLots of possible ways for the story to ramp up. Not sure what the attraction would be for Alice and Bill.

Later, I sent TM an expanded plot outline:

Quote:
I’ve got most of the details of the Alice and Bill story worked out in my head. The girl’s name is going to be Kate (after Kate Upton) and she’s going to look like Dani Daniels. Personality-wise, she’s a lot like Belle of “Beauty and the Beast” – pretty, bookish, shy around guys, well-endowed. That was her favorite movie as a little girl and the brother at some point says, “She watched it 43 million times.”

The brother’s name is going to be James. James goes to the University of Tennessee. His family leaves in Farragut, TN, which is a suburb of Knoxville (where UT is located). His dad writes mysteries set mostly in Nashville dealing with mostly country music. Have you read any Dick Francis novels? Basically like Dick Francis but nowhere near successful. Dad’s writing career is basically the family business. Mom runs the finances and does the marketing. Kate ghostwrites her dad’s blog.

Continuing on after the first kiss, Kate is pissed at Chuck for leading her on. She went on birth control because of him. Kate asks for an idea of how to get back at Chuck besides cookies. James suggests that Kate come sunbath at their apartment. Their mom is very conservative so Kate will use the excuse that she wants to sunbath in a suit that her mom would never let her wear. Kate agrees to it, but insists that James be there the whole time. Kate shows up on a Saturday while Chuck is gone but will soon be back. She goes into the bedroom and changes into her swim suit. When she comes out, James is floored. She’s wear a very revealing top and the bottom “looks like it was made from shoelaces”. Kate is all embarrassed and having second thoughts. She thinks her butt is too big. James assures her that she has a great butt. James sprays sunscreen on her backside for her. Kate lies out their apartment balcony while James studies in the kitchen. Chuck comes home, sees Kate on the balcony and goes nuts over her. Kate flirts with him, driving him even more nuts. Her top is undone and she’s careful to not show Chuck her tits. Chuck comes into the kitchen and raves about how hot Kate looks and how he regrets not asking her out. Kate eventually joins them, saying she’s caught enough sun and she’s concerned about burning. She shows them her ass and asks if its too pink. Chuck about loses it. After Kate leaves, James calls her on the phone and they laugh about what she did to Chuck. James tells Kate that Chuck is dying to see her tits.

Next day, Kate comes over to sun again. This time, when James is talking to her and Chuck is nearby, Kate “accidentally” turns and shows James her tits. James loudly says for Kate to stop showing him her tits. Chuck rushes over the balcony, too late.

There’s another cookie delivery. This time, the bet is that Kate will get a french kiss. James pushes back some but eventually they french kiss.

Then nothing further happens. Kate comes over to sun on the weekends, but there’s no escalation. Kate delivers some more cookies but no bets so no kisses. Kate graduates from high school.

Once she graduates, James and Dad leave to tour the country. Dad makes most of his money doing public speaking during the summer. Dad hates to fly and on long drives is easily distracted and becomes likely to have a wreck. James spends the next three months driving him around. It’s incredibly boring for James. The only bright spot of the summer is skyping with Kate. They skype for at least an hour each night. She’s the only person he talks to for that long. At some point, he says “You’re like my long-distance girlfriend for the summer.” She agrees he’s like her long-distance boyfriend. Later, Kate models for James the Belle-inspired bikini she bought.

The plan is that when James and Dad get home, the family goes to Disneyworld for a week and when they get back, Kate and James leave for UT. Kate is so looking forward to it as she hasn’t been to Disneyworld since she was nine. James is looking forward to spending time with Kate. A week before James and Dad were to come back home, Dad’s mom in Nashville falls and breaks a hip. Dad cuts the trip short to go see her. Mom says that she and Dad can’t go to Orlando – they have to stay in Nashville and take care of Grandma. Mom has to stay because Dad is useless when it comes to practical things like paying bills and taking care of pets.

Kate and James go to Disneyworld. First day in the park, Kate goes to the Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo shop and gets made up as Belle. She’s wearing a T-shirt dress that makes it look she’s wearing Belle’s yellow ball gown. When she’s done being made up, they starting walking around the Magic Kingdom. Kate says James is embarrassed to be seen with her looking like Belle. James says he’s not. She says he is. He takes her hand and says, “Would I hold hands with you if I was embarrassed to be seen with you?” They spend the rest of the day holding hands as they walk around the park. During the firework show, James hugs Kate from behind. Kate looks at him over her shoulder and says, “Do you like being my Disneyworld boyfriend?” James says he does and kisses her. When they get back to the room, they decide to watch “Beauty and the Beast”. They sing together the “Beauty and the Beast” duet. James puts his arm around her for the rest of the movie. When Belle and the Beast kiss after the Beast has transformed, James and Kate kiss. They kiss through the rest of the movie and the credits.

When the movie is over, James asks, “Would you like to sleep with your boyfriend tonight?” Kate says yes. James has no idea how far it’s going to go between them. When they get into his bedroom, Kate strips down to her panties. “You’ve seen my tits before.” James follows suit. They make out. James sucks on Kate’s tits. They make out some more. James asks, “Do you want to…?” Kate says, “I want you to be my first.” They fuck and then declare their love.

There’s an epilogue that briefly describes their week at Disneyworld, which they start calling “their honeymoon”. The epilogue ends as they are driving back to Tennessee. They have no idea how they are going to continue their relationship, but they want to continue to be lovers.

I let that story idea sit for a while. In the mean time, I started a story of a brother and two sisters set in Southern California. James is a character in that story, so I decided to rename the male character in this story to “Justin”, after Kate Upton’s husband Justin Verlander. I decide to change the porn star to model Kate on to Peta Jensen after watching this video. The singer Katy Perry (pre-blonde) were also an inspiration for Kate’s looks and as well as Belle from “Beauty and the Beast”.

After I while, I decided that I needed more than just a brief epilogue after Kate and Justin make love for the first time. By this time, I had decided that the central conflict of the story was that Kate was far more in love and committed to Justin than he was with her. So there was going to be two sex scenes – them having sex their first full day in the park and then again when they get home. Then I decided that Kate would be the type of person that enjoyed sex because it made Justin happy and wasn’t all that concerned about cumming herself. To demonstrate that, I added a third sex scene.

I sent the story out to beta-readers. All of them felt the kissing scenes were unrealistic. I changed the first kiss to be Kate giving Justin a surprise kiss on the lips, and then I used most of the material from the first kissing scene in the later scene where Kate explains why she kissed him. The French kissing scene got moved to just before Kate takes a shower on the first day at the Disney World parks. I had Travis and Brooklynne dating after spends the first night. Originally, Justin had to wrestle right away with them dating. Beta-readers pointed out that he’d likely find a new roommate in that case and I had to have Travis be his planned roommate.

TM provided a lot of other suggestions that I incorporated into the story:
* Kate’s first bikini was inspired by a picture he sent me. The picture was from here
* That Kate and Steph go to the prom together
* That Kate and Justin stop at a jewelry store on the way home from Orlando
* He said that Justin would be extremely angry with Travis after he spent his first night with Brooklynne. It was important that Justin and Travis stay roommates until the end, so to handle that, I came up with Justin unloading to Kate about how he’s too nice in order
* That Justin needs to work out in order to keep his weight down while eating so many cookies
* He sent me a picture of a woman doing the dishes while wearing just white panties (link) just before I wrote the second sex scene, so I had Kate load the dishwasher while wearing just white panties
* He asked that I mention that Magic Kingdom fireworks. I added that scene and I had this really romantic build up for Kate and Justin to say something to each other. But what could they say? They’ve already said, “I love you” lots of times. I asked him for a suggestion and he was of no help. I eventually came up with the idea of Kate and Justin watching some small children and then saying “Some day” to each other
* He noticed that Kate’s dreams did start coming true after the Fairy-Godmother-In-Training said, “May all your dreams and princess wishes come true.” I had Kate make the same observation
* That Justin should notice Kate’s boob bouncing around as she dries her hair after showering
* Kate saying “Then they’re yours” about her tits like The Beast says to Belle about his books

Minor stories about the story
* Kate’s second bikini is #10 from this web page
* Kate’s Belle bikini is an actual bikini (link)
* The dad originally had no name. But I wanted Kate to say in the final sex scene “Some day, I’ll be Mrs. Justin XXXXXX.” So I needed to give the dad a last name so that line would work. I picked Larson from the list of the top NASCAR drivers
* I watched lots of videos of Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique makeovers. One thing I’m still not sure on is should Kate get a yellow rose wand as part of the makeover. As it would get in the way for the rest of the day, I decided to ignore it
* For the first kiss break, I wanted a long description of Kate and Justin kissing and cuddling. I started looking around Pornhub for inspiration and found a brand of videos called Kissing HD which features two women kissing and making out. This one was the inspiration for Kate and Justin’s first kiss break and this one was the inspiration for the start of their last sex session.

What happens next?
Dad uses his new connections at the studio to get Justin a job there. Kate cuts way back on classes second semester and plans to go to college in California once Justin moves there. When the school year is done and they move to California, Kate and Justin tell their parents that they are lovers and plan to marry some day. Mom and Dad aren’t happy, but what can they do? In California, Justin and Kate tell everyone that they are newlyweds. They eventually do marry, have kids and live happily ever after.

What do I particularly like about this story?
I like so much about this story, it’s hard to pick a few things. There are a lot of lines in the story that I love – “I want to be your girlfriend with a capital ‘G’.” “I love you, my Belle.” “I’ll bake you all cookies” “You’re ‘My One’, forever.”

I liked creating a modern day version of a Disney Princess. I love Disney World and I enjoyed using it as a setting for the most significant part of the story. I liked creating the dad’s writing as a family business.

What do I think I might get grief about?
My first beta-reader didn’t like mixing sex with Disney. I hope that isn’t a response of many of my readers.

I could have gotten some minor detail about Disney World wrong. I can see people who really love Disney World wanting to leap in and correct me.

I’m sad to leave Brooklynne is such a rotten state. I’m a tiny bit tempted to write a sequel where she ditches Travis, but that would mean her wanting to get back together with Justin and Kate would run her over with her Honda before she’d let that happen.

What were the inspirations for the sex scenes?
I covered some of this already. Only the sex on the sofa was non-vanilla.

I’m looking for beta-readers
Tell me what you think of my stories before I publish them. I’m looking particularly for female ones. I promise to not hit on you – I just want your perspective

Extended Author’s Notes for “My European Summer Vacation”

Posting this to preserve it. I originally posted it to LitE and it will eventually be deleted.

Story is here. Please leave any thoughts you have on it.

The story behind the story
When I was writing Cruise Doubledate With My Sister, I split it in two to make it more manageable. I sent the first half to a beta-reader and asked him to guess what would happen next. He replied, “Caitlin wants to rear a family with Thomas – they move to Ireland (where I’m from!)” When I read his email, the entire story came to me.

My correspondent picked Cork as the initial setting, the name Sinead Hayes, the name Noel and the name Margaret. He suggested that Sinead studied at University College Cork. He suggested modeling Sinead’s looks on Rosanna Davison, Miss World 2003. Here is Rosanna Davison in a royal blue dress similar to what Sinead was wearing when Noel first meets her. As I’ve never been to Ireland and don’t know anyone who is Irish, I was planning on being totally dependent on my correspondent for local flavor. Initially I hoped that I would be able to submit “My European Summer Vacation” and another story, “My Brother Is My Inspiration”, for the 2015 Summer Lovin’ contest, but both were too long and I quickly realized that I wouldn’t be able to finish either in time. On 8/11/15, I sent my correspondent the first draft of the first half of the story. At that time, Sinead’s accent consisted of saying “mum” and “Yank”. After that, I didn’t hear from him for a long time. I got one last email where he mentioned he had been out of touch because of health and family issues and that was it. I felt I didn’t know enough about Ireland to continue working on the story and shelved it.

In September, the author Gorza posted a request for feedback on his story Exploring the Ring of Kerry. The story was about an Irish woman from Cork and an Englishman who eventually have sex in a bus traveling through Ireland. I loved the female character’s accent. I wanted Sinead to have a similar accent. Gorza offered to help me with this story, but I declined the help as I was in the middle of writing a different story, “Working with Little Sister”.

When I got “Working with Little Sister” up to over 30K words, I started having doubts about it. On 11/30/15, I sent a beta-reader what I had for “Working with Little Sister”, “My European Summer Vacation”, “My Brother Is My Inspiration” and a fourth story. His favorite was “My European Summer Vacation”. I decided to focus on the one he liked best and on January 13th, I finished the first draft of the complete story.

I did a little bit of research about an Irish accent and I reached out to Gorza for help. Unfortunately, he didn’t have time to help me. I did lots of research on the Cork accent and did my best to give Sinead one. I almost finished editing the story in February, but couldn’t find the energy to do the last few passes as I knew that I didn’t have Sinead and her dad’s accents right. I want my stories to be perfect and it bothered me that I didn’t know enough to get this story right. I reached out a number of times to try to get help with the story, but no luck. The story sat on my hard drive unfinished.

Then I saw that the 2016 Summer Lovin’ contest was coming up. That give me the impetus to finish this story.

Story clarifications
* One of the reasons Noel falls so quickly for Sinead is she sounds just like his beloved mother used to sound, which isn’t too surprising given that she’s his mother’s daughter and his mother and his mother’s mother raised Sinead for her first two years
* In Europe (some? All? Hopefully including Ireland), the floor numbering is ground floor, first floor, second floor, etc. So what is the second floor to Sinead would be the third floor to Noel
* Four-loaf cleaver joke is here, third from the bottom
* When Noel is confronted with the terrible news that his mother is almost certainly Sinead’s mother, he handles it in the classic way – denial. I originally had him feeling uneasy after she shows him the pictures and declines the opportunity to have sex with Sinead the next morning. I decided later that having Noel deny the obvious facts worked better as it makes the revelations from Mr. Hayes that much more of a punch to the gut
* Mr. Hayes refuses to put his comfortable life at risk. He views Sinead as a risk to it and while he says he wants Sinead to leave Ireland because she doesn’t have a future in Ireland, it’s because he wants her as far away from Maeve as possible. He felt that the secret of Sinead’s conception was just too dangerous to him to tell her while she’s in Ireland
* Sinead doesn’t really have a reaction to the fact that she’s been tricked into an incestuous relationship. When Noel tells her all about her mom, she feels overwhelming betrayed and there isn’t any emotional space to think about incest. She feels betrayed by both Noel and her dad, the two people she loves the most in the world
* When Noel makes Sinead the offer to join his family, there’s nothing greater to him that he can offer. He loves his family and has a very positive relationship with his sisters. The offer isn’t nearly as appealing to Sinead as Noel thinks it is because she has a negative relationship with her brothers
* After the Sinead’s tirade in Boston, Noel battles falling into depression. He keeps it at bay by doing household chores for himself and Sinead. All the guilt he has felt for the whole summer has taken a huge toll on him. If Sinead had left the apartment after her tirade, Noel would have had a mental breakdown

What happens next?
Noel and Sinead go over to his dad’s house and Noel introduces her to his family. Beyond that, I really don’t know. I don’t know immigration law. A beta-reader asked how could they get a marriage license in Boston if they are blood relatives. I have no idea what documentation they would need to provide.

My guess is that Noel and Sinead would get married quickly. I think she can apply for a green card once they are married. Their big vulnerability is her family. As long as they stay in Ireland, they should be fine. So another reason for the quick marriage – no need to explain why no relatives coming over. Does Sinead tell her dad that she’s marrying Noel? I think so. Does she tell her grandmam what happened to her mom and that she’s marrying her half-brother? A little iffy, but I think so.

One option would be for Emma, Lucy or Katie come over and it turns that she and Sinead are both bisexual and were lovers until Noel showed up. A threesome ensues. Or Emma, Lucy and Katie come over together and Noel services his little harem. Meh. Not particularly inventive stuff and I would consider it a big step down from the original story.

I have in my mind a scene where Sinead is eight month’s pregnant and she and Noel tell Erin and Riley their secret. Sinead’s grandmam is coming over to nanny their baby and they want Erin and Riley to know that she is their grandmother. Not much of a scene. There’s nothing else in my head.

What do I particularly like about this story?
* I think it’s a very strong story. I’ve gotten very positive feedback from beta-readers on this story
* The story has a number of plot twists that I hope the readers don’t see coming. I don’t think Sinead’s mom is Noel’s mom is surprising. His mom’s relationship with her cousin should be a shocker. Sinead’s offer to travel with Noel should be a shocker. Sinead’s furious rejection of becoming Noel’s sister should be a shocker
* This story required a ton more research than any other story I’ve done. I hope it pays off in terms of creating a realistic story
* More than most of my stories, is about two people falling in love. There’s a lot of the little things that make a romance
* I’ve read LOTS of incest stories. I’ve read some stories where the couple finds out after they’ve gotten involved that they are blood relatives. I haven’t cared for those stories as they don’t have what I find appealing about incest stories – being attracted to someone you know that you shouldn’t be attracted to. The reveal is always met with a shrug. I can only recall one story where the brother knows he’s fucking his sister while she doesn’t know. He considered it a cool thing and it made fucking her hotter. It wasn’t a big deal to her when he finally tells her. I can’t remember ever reading a story where one of the characters knows he’s related to his lover and struggles with it over an extended length of time. And of course in this story, the reveal doesn’t go well. So I’m proud that I wrote what I think is a unique story

What do I think I might get grief about?
* My getting Sinead and her dad’s accents wrong
* My getting details about Ireland and Europe wrong
* My getting details about an Irish citizen wanting to move to the US wrong

What were the inspirations for the sex scenes?
None really. Once I had the idea of having sex on the dining room table after dinner, I looked up some videos about sex on a dining room table. I found a video (since deleted) and this.

What of note got cut from this story
When Noel and Sinead left Paris, I had an extensive travelogue. There’s was a very big section set in an unnamed city where Sinead and Noel hang out with two other couples, sharing a room with them at the hostel. One of the couples proposes trading partners. The other couple agrees but Noel says no. Then there was a big sex scene where Noel convinces Sinead to loudly respond to his fucking while the other couples fuck in the room in the hostel. After the fuck, Noel tells Sinead he loves her for the first time.

A beta-reader said that the travel stuff was boring; that once Sinead and Noel start traveling, the looming confrontation in Boston was what was interesting. Consequently, I pared the travelogue way back.

Major editing changes for the story as it was written?
Here’s the end of the story from the story description I sent my Irish correspondent:
* Eamonn [later renamed Noel] shows Molly [later renamed Sinead] the pictures of his mom and tells her that she’s Molly’s mom too. He tells her everything that her father told him. He expects her to be furious with him
* Instead, Molly is thrilled to find out about her mom so quickly. She tells Eamonn that she loves him and wants to be with him forever. The fact that they’re blood relatives will remain their little secret. Molly’s glad that she has an incestuous scandal just like her mom
* They make love one more time. Roll credits

A common criticism I’ve gotten, particularly with “Cruise Doouble-Date With My Sister” is that my characters are too accepting of incest. When I wrote the first draft, I decided that Sinead wouldn’t take the news about her mother well. It seemed much more realistic to me that way. Then Noel slowly wins her back.

Any other notes?
I was indecisive on how big Sinead’s tits should be. Originally, there were “large, but not huge.” Then they became “above-average size or bigger.” Then “average size or bigger”. Finally, they became “good-sized”. I wanted Sinead to be attractive for reasons besides having big tits, but later I came to decide that she had to have tits large enough that she got men’s attention quickly.

I’m looking for a new editor
The editor I worked with until recently is no longer responding to emails. My work is typically long but easy to edit as most of my errors are small things like leaving out a word and using two words instead of one, e.g. “night shirt” instead of “nightshirt”. I’d love an editor who is (1) a big fan of my writing, (2) technically very competent and (3) wants to go back and forth with me to improve my writing.

If you are interested, shoot me a PM. Include an email address or be sure that your Literotica account allows you to receive PM’s (the default is to reject them). Tell me how you would have edited this story differently.

Extended Author’s Notes for “My Sister Set Me Up On A Blind Date”

Posting this to preserve it. I originally posted it to LitE and it will eventually be deleted.

Story is here. Please leave any thoughts you have on it.

The story behind the story
Someone told me long ago that the Chevrolet brand got its name from one of its founder (actually co-founder). I started with the idea of a brother and a sister having the name of Chevrolet, wondering how people would react to that. That led to the idea of a cop pulling the brother over and not believing his last name was really Chevrolet. The story was just that opening scene for a long time.

Then I had the idea of a long sex scene in the back of a minivan. I don’t know where it came from – I’ve personally never done anything in a minivan. It was an idea I found quite sexually exciting and I happily spent a lot of time stretching it out in my mind and filling in details.

So I had a beginning and an end, but nothing to connect them. I could have put the end with any other beginning.

I love reading incest stories, but something that bothers me about many incest stories is that they are so unrealistic. Yeah, a loving incestuous relationship is unrealistic, but I’m talking about the setup to the story. She’s a smoking hot babe; he’s a handsome hunk; neither of them can get a date. They get along great. He tells her, “Nice shoes” and then they’re banging away in bed, declaring their true love for each other.

I think I’ve learned to address the first issue – having some reason why the brother and sister are available for each other. For this story, I quickly came up with the idea that she wasn’t dating anyone because she couldn’t find any smart athletes to date. For Todd, I came up with his relationship ended with his girlfriend Mandy in a way that he wasn’t sure that it was really over and would only go out with someone who was special. I’ll discuss Todd and Mandy some more later.

I’ve been as bad as anyone about my brothers and sisters getting along so well that it’s a trivial step for their relationship to become romantic. I wanted it to be different in this story. I thought it would work particularly well in this case as the opening scene showed the irritation and frustration the brother feels towards his sister.

I came up with the idea of the sister setting up the brother on a blind date and then showing up as his blind date. I thought it would be a fairly common story line. However when I was done with the story, I did some searching on Literotica and I couldn’t find any comparable stories.

The names were at random. I thought Ashlynne would make a good name for a cheerleader. I checked to see on the SSA baby name web site and discovered that most common spellings for that name were “Ashlyn” and “Ashlynn”. I almost changed the name to “Ashlynn” when I decide to go with an alternative spelling. I see non-standard spellings of girl names all the time. Todd at one point thinks, “I had loved to mock her about not being able to spell her own name correctly.”

I wrapped up the story and sent it out to beta-readers. I felt good about the story. I felt the sex scene was extremely hot. First beta-reader gave it a big thumbs up. Second beta-reader ripped the story. He thought Todd was whiny and immature. At that point, I had Todd party too much freshmen year and then get serious about academics, but lose all of his partying friends. Mandy was a fellow engineering major who was in a car accident, dropped out of school and Todd felt like he should continue to date to support her even though there wasn’t much of a relationship.

After that feedback, I did a massive overhaul of the story. Mandy was changed to a great girlfriend who disappears off to Europe. As I was doing the re-write, the Stanford swimmer case was in the news and the Baylor football coach was fired. That got me thinking about positive consent and I decided to incorporate that into my story. After writing about it, I’ve come to the conclusion that Todd comes to – something should be done but the positive consent every time every step standard isn’t workable.

In the original version, Todd and Ashlynne have the fight at the golf course, they make up right afterward, finish the round of golf then go off to Ashlynne’s friend’s house and fuck. I decided that wasn’t realistic. I decided that the date had to end after the fight at the golf course and that Todd would take Ashlynne to her friends house and drop her off.

Is I was writing that drop off scene, I had Todd offering Ashlynne a deal like in the original version. In the original, she immediately accepted it. In the re-write, I decided she’d turn it down. Prior to that, Ashlynne didn’t have much of a personality – she was a smart cheerleader, which was what Todd was looking for. She wanted Todd because he was a smart athlete. As I re-wrote their reconciliation, I discovered Ashlynne’s personality. I had never done that before.

I enjoyed writing about Todd and Ashlynne doing things together post-fight. I felt it established a true attraction that made the rest of the story make sense. Now, I had to come up with an idea for their second date. Eventually, I came up with going to a auto show. That give them an opportunity to talk while on the date and it played into their last name. It was a lot of fun writing that scene, letting Ashlynne act crazy.

I re-wrote the sex scene to fit my new vision of Ashlynne’s personality and it worked much stronger. The ending in the original version didn’t make a lot of sense, so I re-wrote it to fit my new vision of Ashlynne’s personality and it worked my better.

Story clarifications
* When Todd admits that he’s crazy about Ashlynne, she decides that she doesn’t want this to be a one-night thing, that she wants to be Todd’s girl
* The more Todd tries to convince her that there are other guys out there for her, the more he convinces her that he’s the only one for her
* When Ashlynne slides her pussy lips up and down Todd’s dick is the first time she thinks about fucking. She decides to do it then. She wants Todd as her boyfriend and thinks that’s the way to seal the deal. And she really wants to fuck

What happens next?
This is where I’d put what I imagine would happen if I continued story. I’m not going to say anything this time as I’m working on a sequel.

What do I particularly like about this story?
* I liked the idea of the back of a minivan as the setting for all of the sex
* In almost every brother-sister story, there’s never the messiness of a actual brother-sister relationship – the inevitable fights that happen growing up in the same household with limited resources. I’m as guilty as anyone. In this story, it’s front-and-center. Todd and Ashlynne had fought tooth and nail for years and years and they don’t know at first how to relate to each other now that they’re not fighting for reasons they’re not too sure about
* I really liked the date at the auto show
* I liked how the reader sees Todd and Ashlynne getting closer and closer through the story and eventually falling for each other

What do I think I might get grief about?
* This story has lots of elements that are the same as “My Day As A Pool Boy”. Both have the main female lead being the high school valedictorian and who will be a pre-med major. Both have a football player as the villain of the story. Alex in “My Day As A Pool Boy” is consistently controlling whereas Ashlynne is sometimes controlling
* I have another story, “My European Summer Vacation” that I’m going to submit about the same time who has a female lead who loves being in control. Not sure if people will find that too close to Ashlynne’s personality

What were the inspirations for the sex scenes?
None

What of note got cut from this story?
So much got cut during the re-write. I’ve covered some of it above, but there was even more.

Major editing changes for the story as it was written?
Like I said, it had a major re-write.

Any other notes?
Writing it and re-writing it put the story close to the window for the 2016 Summer Lovin’ contest. I decided to submit it to that as it definitely fits that theme. Then I decided to post it before the contest to compare results for this story with the story I will submit.

I’m looking for a new editor
The editor I worked with until recently is no longer responding to emails. My work is typically long but easy to edit as most of my errors are small things like leaving out a word and using two words instead of one, e.g. “night shirt” instead of “nightshirt”. I’d love an editor who is (1) a big fan of my writing, (2) technically very competent and (3) wants to go back and forth with me to improve my writing.

If you are interested, shoot me a PM. Include an email address or be sure that your Literotica account allows you to receive PM’s (the default is to reject them). Tell me how you would have edited this story differently.

I’m looking for beta-readers
I’ll send you five stories that I have partially written and you give me your thoughts on them so far including how you would rank them. I’ll use that to determine which story to publish next and how to improve it.

Authors Notes for “My Day As A Pool Boy”

What was the inspiration for this story?
In the “Story Feedback” forum on Literotica.com, I was thinking of creating a thread where people post a link to their incest story and I would write a review of that. I was going to start the thread with some do’s and don’ts. I decide I would use a sample story to demonstrate what to do and what not to do. A pool party story with a brother and sister. Then, Boom!, I had a plot for a story for the Summer Lovin’ contest. It was short enough that I thought I could get in written in time.

I wrote the first draft in three days, which is much, much faster than I have ever written a LitE story before. With editing and such, I didn’t get it submitted on time, but I did get it submitted only a few days late.

As for the characters, no particular inspiration. I wanted each of the women to be different, so I picked a different hair color, hair length and bikini color for each. The names were all from the Social Security baby name list.

What do I particularly like about this story?
This is my first story were the main male character was not an introvert. This is also my first story with a MFF threesome. Most MFF threesome stories seemed forced to me – Alice is crazy about Bill, so she encourages him to have sex with Cindy. As he is about to have sex with Cindy, Alice and Cindy – who have been straight all their lives – suddenly develop a deep sexual desire for each other. Total nonsense – people are possessive of their lovers and Alice would be more likely to kill Cindy than to have sex with her. Hopefully, the set up for the MFF threesome seems realistic.

What do I think I might get grief about?
I felt I rushed the story to get it into the contest. Hopefully that didn’t significantly affect the end product.

What were the inspirations for the sex scenes?
None

What of note got cut from this story
Nothing

Major editing changes for the story as it was written?
* Originally, Dylan was named Ryan and Dakota was named Madison. Then I realized that I had used Ryan and Madison for names of major characters in other stories
* In the first draft, Dylan didn’t talk much to the girls. He talks with Alex briefly a few times and then she wants to him to put sunscreen all over her body. I expanded the story to have Dylan do a lot of talking with the girls.

Any other notes?
I do many passes through a story. I thought I had the story basically done after I incorporated the changes from my editor, then I did one last pass and made lots of little changes. It amazes me how I can notice so many little errors that I didn’t notice on an earlier pass.

Author’s Notes for “Cruise Doubledate With My Sister”

What was the inspiration for this story?
I saw a headline for some article on the Internet about people being sick on a cruise. I had read an article earlier about people who got sick on a cruise were frustrated that the only compensation that got from the cruise line for a week of hell was a voucher for another cruise. Bam! That gave me the idea of a sister doing a cruise with her brother because she had gone on a cruise with her friends, they all got sick, she bought her vouchers and needed to use them. What would push the sister and brother together? It was a short hop to their dates for the cruise knew each other before and wind up dumping the brother and sister to go off by themselves. The brother and sister had to live in different places for that to work. At that point, the brother and sister were going to be in love forever. Then I thought about what if they were discovered on the last night of the cruise. That led me to the idea of the girlfriend trying to restore the relationship.

Now, I was faced with the challenge of justifying the girlfriend dumping the brother and then a few days later wanting to get back with him. I had read an article on a woman leaving the purity movement and that gave me the idea of the girlfriend being driven to dump the brother because of religious guilt. After that, everything was just details. I pulled the details of Rebecca’s romance with Paul from that article.

I looked for a name for the brother’s girlfriend that would be picked by a fundamentalist family. I was hoping for a New Testament name, but didn’t find any I liked. I finally picked “Rebecca”. Then I wondered about going with “Rebekah”. “Rebekah” turns out to be Jewish. However, researching “Rebekah” led me to “Rebekah Mikaelson”, which was something like the look I wanted for Rebecca. So I decided to model Rebecca after Claire Holt. As I was researching that, I came across a picture of Phoebe Tonkin, Claire Holt’s co-star on the “H20: Just Add Water”. She looked very different from Claire Holt and I decided to model the sister after her. At some point, I jettisoned modeling the girls after Claire Holt and Phoebe Tonkin and went with the more generic short, blond cheerleader and Italian amazon.

Caitlin and Thomas came off the SSA babe name list. I thought briefly about having them call each other “Kate” and “Tom” when alone, but decided it worked better with Rebecca if they were use to always using full names. Another advantage of Thomas was that Jacob could make an ass of himself by calling him “Tom” and “Tommy”. Jacob was originally going to be “Jeff” which had just popped into my head. Then I talked to someone named Jacob and I thought that would make a better name for a fundamentalist.

It wasn’t until pretty late into the editing cycle that Thomas had any type of description beyond height. 6’3″ seemed the top end of reasonably “really tall”. Having him so tall and Rebecca so short worked for the story because (1) they would be a memorable couple, which was important and (2) it gave Thomas a reason for not wanting to go out with Rebecca. One day, I was reading the story comments on LitE and someone complained that the author should have provided some description of the male character, so I gave Thomas a quick description. He had to look something like Caitlin, but different enough that Caitlin’s Italian looks would be a family joke.

What do I particularly like about this story?
* I think Thomas, Caitlin and Rebecca are well developed characters. They have their flaws that they struggle with throughout the story and learn to overcome some of them
* Devout Christians in literotica stories are usually total asses and/or hypocrites. I liked how I had Rebecca struggle with her faith
* The story has a lot of strong life messages in it – gambling is bad, telling people to wait until marriage to have sex causes them to get messed up, it takes a lot of patience to make a relationship work, sex is an important part of a relationship but not the most important part
* The story is really two romance stories, both of which end happily (though one more so than the other)
* It’s huge – around 34K words. Three big sex scenes. A lot happens in the story. It was a bitch to finish and to edit, but I am pleased that I pulled it off
* I spent a lot of time trying to reduce the wordiness of my prose. Hopefully I pulled it off

What do I think I might get grief about?
* The brother and sister not staying together. I am hoping Caitlin coming up to visit mentioned in the Epilogue offsets that
* I don’t know how people are going to react to Rebecca being a devout Christian. The devout Christians I have seen on Literotica (including my own story) are assholes and/or hypocrites
* No cruise that I could find was 8 days. No cruise line follows that itinerary. Cruise ships don’t have hand-scoop ice cream shops. The excursions came off of viator.com and may not be offered by cruise ships. I’m sure there are other details about the cruise I got wrong
* I have no clue if someone would have to fuck a small woman slowly because her vagina is so tight
* Some might find Rebecca’s story about Jacob boring. However, it sets up the final sex scene
* Thomas is just too nice
* People wanting the final sex scene to include some girl-on-girl action between Caitlin and Rebecca

What were the inspirations for the sex scenes?
None

What of note got cut from this story
* At one point, I was going to have as a side story that Caitlin was having man problems because of anger issues and refusing to give people the benefit of the doubt. Thomas gets her to see who giving people the benefit of the doubt will improve her life. There wasn’t enough time to shoe horn that into the story. Caitlin worked better as tough but fair woman
* I had several paragraphs about Rebecca having an elaborate braid at the start of the cruise and a fuller description of her braid at the end. I wanted people to think she had a braid at the end like the one the Rebekah Mikaelson had. In the end, I decided I was spend way too much time on Rebecca’s hair for very little value. I took out the braid in the first scene and reduced the braid at the end to an “elaborate braid”

Major editing changes for the story as it was written?
* Originally, there was no scene from Rebecca’s point of view. Instead, she comes back to the cabin, convinces Thomas to take her back, makes love to Thomas, then tells Thomas and Caitlin most of what was the scene from Rebecca’s point of view. There were a number of problems with that – her coming back comes out of the blue; the post-sex conversation was really, really long; there were reasons to doubt the sincerity of it
* I was going to cut the stripping scene out of the story as I felt people would want Rebecca to disappear as quick as possible so the story would move on to what interests them – the romance between Thomas and Caitlin. But my editor felt that Rebecca came across initially as a frigid bitch and no one would be happy to see her get back with Thomas over Caitlin. So I put back the strip scene and did some other changes to make Rebecca a more likable character

Any other notes?
* I thought about publishing the story as two chapters. I decided against it as (1) I personally rarely read chapter stories and I want to get this story as widely read as possible and (2) it is a complete story and I don’t want people thinking there will be more. I learned that lesson with Heather and Michael.

The beginning of “Sister Has a Plan” from the first draft

I try to start with an interesting scene and I eventually decided that a car trip wasn’t interesting enough.

“Why are you so happy?” I asked my sister Chelsea.

Chelsea laughed. “Things are going just the way I was hoping. Why aren’t you happy?”

We were in my car heading from our hometown in Northern Wisconsin to Madison. I had all of Chelsea’s possessions in my car as she was moving to Madison. I was going to let her stay with me until she could find a place of her own.

“I’m not unhappy.”

“But you aren’t happy either. You’re a year from graduating and getting a good-paying job. You ought to be happy.”

“Yeah. Well, my job right now sucks and my roommate just disappeared on me, sticking me with the whole rent of my apartment.”

“Roommate? What happened to Mandy?”

“I broke up with her and moved out months ago.” I did some math in my head. “Three months ago. I moved in with a guy named Curt. He was a friend of a friend of a friend who was looking to share a two-bedroom apartment. Last week, he showed up at work sauced, so they fired him. He packed up all of his stuff and took off.”

“What did he tell you when he moved out?”

“Nothing. With classes and work, I rarely was at the apartment when he was up. Friday morning, I went into his room to ask about the rent money and it was empty except for the furniture that was too big to fit into his car.” It was Sunday now, the day after Chelsea graduated from high school.

With a roommate, I barely kept my head above water financially. No way did I have the money to pay the whole rent by myself. I already had too much student debt. I felt like I was a car repair bill from financial disaster. Still, I was better off than Chelsea. I needed to her to find whatever subsidized housing she was going to move into ASAP so I could get a new roommate.

The reason Chelsea knew so little about what was going on in my life was that for the last two years, the only time I talked with Chelsea was when I went home for Christmas. Prior to that, I saw her occasionally around town while I was going to the local community college. I had been shocked when she called me a month ago to ask me to come to her graduation. Then she explained that she wanted to move to Madison and asked me to move her stuff down and let her stay with me for a few days until she could find her own place.

Chelsea was fine. Growing up, we fought probably as much as most other brothers and sisters. We didn’t have anything in common. I had been a Jock in high school. The school’s starting inside linebacker my last two years. I had been a good but not great student. Chelsea had been a freak. She now had a lip piercing and a nose ring. She had six piercings on one ear, starting from near her earlobe and going halfway up her ear. The other ear had six more piercing, going from halfway up her ear to the top. Her hair was dyed purple. When I lived in our hometown, I had heard that she was a hardcore partier that did the absolute minimum in school.

Author’s notes for “Sister Has a Plan”

What was the inspiration for this story?
No inspiration for the story. The inspiration for Nicole is a cross between a web cam girl and Angela Summers from Safe Cracker at 29:45 and 37:50. I knew I wanted the first sex scene to be as it was on the couch. I went looking for a similar scene in a movie to give me ideas of what to describe. I came across those two and decided to use them for Nicole.

The female protagonist went through a number of name changes. Originally, she was Chelsea something, then she was Ashley Grace and then finally Ashley Nicole. Owen was originally Tyler. Ryan and Brandon were always Ryan and Brandon. Ryan and Nicole were originally Millers before becoming Muellers. No particular reason for the name changes. I used the SSA’s baby names by state to pull a list of first names. I used this web page for the last names in the story.

What do I particularly like about this story?
* I think Nicole is the best female character I have come up with. She is optimistic and gets things done while being naive about what she can be do
* I liked having some secrets that got slowly revealed. Hopefully it kept reader interest

What do I think I might get grief about?
Three things:
1. I know very little about Wisconsin and never have been to Madison
2. I thought people might think it unfair to use Brandon as a sperm donor and then to sue him
3. I thought the big monologue where Nicole tells about her fling with Brandon might bore people

What were the inspirations for the sex scenes?
I already covered the inspirations for the couch. No particular inspiration for the bed, though see the next section

What of note got cut from this story
Two things:
1. The scent of Nicole’s shampoo was be featured prominently in the story. However, I decided that timing was all wrong – for Ryan to be able to smell it during the final sex scene, she would have just taken a shower and that made no sense with how I described her day. In the final sex scene where Ryan grasps Nicole from behind and she squeezes his cock with her ass, Ryan was suppose to take a big whiff of her shampoo scent
2. I was going to talk a lot about Nicole’s lawyer. She was going to be a black lesbian who hates white, conservative hypocrites and therefore was eager to take Nicole’s case. She just didn’t fit the story

Major editing changes for the story as it was written?
* I’ll post the start to version 1 some other time. I struggled with how to start the story and originally started it with them driving down to Madison from their hometown
* I had some problems with Nicole’s birthday. Originally, she was going to be a little younger but I needed her to be 18 when she went to see the lawyers
* Originally, Nicole had a super hot body right after her transformation. Then I realized that it was unrealistic for her to have a hot body so soon after child birth and dialed her body back from “great” to “good”. Then I had her body get hotter as they lived together and she worked out regularly
* I tossed in the glasses into the transformation as I decided piercings and hair color alone weren’t enough
* My editor strongly suggested cutting back the section about Curt and I did so
* Originally, Ryan was going to switch from EE to business. I thought his job prospects as a business major were too iffy for the final scene. Then it was going to be Computer Science. But I discovered that UW-Madison doesn’t have a computer science department. So it became Civil Engineering
* I had in there for a while Ryan struggling to think of what to say to her at night besides “You’re a great sister” and then the last line of the story was “Nicole, you’re a great wife.” It didn’t sound right and I eventually went with something else

Any other stories?
* I picked a town for them to be from – Omro, WI
* Originally, Nicole graduated on a Saturday and then I discovered that Omro held their graduation on a Sunday. Sunday worked better with the timeline
* I got most of the info on what it is like for a guy to breastfeed from here

Author’s notes for “My Daughter Interrupts My Work”

I am thinking that I will use the format for the initial post about a story. Let’s see how it goes.

What was the inspiration for this story?
No inspiration for the story. The inspiration for Jillian is Baily Bradshaw. “Jillian” probably comes from the fitness celebrity.

What do I particularly like about this story?
I think it is funny. I laughed quite a bit thinking up this story. At first, Jillian is comedy relief as the work situation gets more and more serious. I hope that when people read “She had finally asked for too much. I was putting my foot down. I needed to show her that I was the parent here and that I was in charge.”, they think, “Oh yeah. That’s not going to happen.”

What do I think I might get grief about?
Three things:
1. The networking stuff is nonsense. I know very little about network security beyond what a network user knows
2. Jillian being a shallow gold-digger
3. Pedo overtones of the story

What were the inspirations for the sex scenes?
Fucking on the floor is different than fucking on a bed. I looked around for some sex scenes of people fucking on the floor and didn’t have a lot of luck. The ones I found were:
* A scene in “The Young Like It Hot” were an operator gets fucked on the floor while talking on the phone to a guy who is jerking off
* Here
* Here

Major editing changes for the story as it was written?
When I usually write a story, I have some scenes worked out and piece them together as I write. This story, I had everything worked out in my head before I wrote word one. I can’t think of any plot changes that occurred while I wrote.

The one major editing change was what the characters called each other. Originally, he called her “Princess” and she called him “Daddy”. I decided that “Princess” sounded too juvenile and globally changed “Princess” to “Jillian”. I wasn’t sure if “Daddy” or “Dad” was more appropriate. I searched literotica for Father/Daughter stories and found “Daddy” to be almost universally used. Still, I decided to go with “Dad” and globally changed “Daddy” to “Dad”. As I was editing the story after the change to see how it work, I came to one place where “Dad” didn’t work at all. I globally changed “Dad” back to “Daddy”.

I struggled a lot with the italicized first sentence. I wanted to give readers a sense that this was different than my other stories and that it was meant to be a light, almost humorous story. My first attempts at the message came across as “this story sucks compared to my other stories.”

Any other stories?
* I generally don’t read father/daughter stories. They’re okay, but I prefer other types of incest stories
* I was writing a long brother/sister story to be called “Working with Little Sister” when I got the idea of this story. I eventually put that story on hold to write this story in order to get this story out of my head